A Little Rant about My Divine Incompetence

Hey guys, once again I am having an emotional outburst because I really felt like a piece of shit lately. Alright, so I got promoted just a month ago and I am quite delightful and feeling awesome because my hardwork had been paid off . Well, being recognized by your superior is truly a big thing for me especially as I always strive for perfection as much as I could though my lunatic crazy neurons somehow gets in the way most of the time. Nonetheless, I am so thankful for my boss and my superior for their trust and support.

Now, here’s the deal. Why did I said I felt like a piece of shit and being incompetent? It’s because I felt like I didn’t do anything special recently despite of doing the same thing that I usually do at work. Or maybe it’s just the perfectionist in me who’s now satisfied enough of the way I kill myself through my demonic working routine aside from my stressful neurons going haywire. Once in a while i felt like my motivation is becoming unstable though I am seriously more consistent now in terms of my mental condition. Yes, I could be crazy as hell and I am quite thankful that my brain cells is working properly now most of the time, maybe it’s because some distraction at work isn’t here anymore. Cough, cough that Melvin guy who broke my heart, cough, another guy, the chef who made me feel bad when I’m drunk. Anyway, those days are over and I am more prepare than I ever had in the recent years. However, I really have to come up with some efficient method of getting my to-do-list perfectly done rather than exerting the usual effort that I did. A new position means, a great responsibility and I am quite the proud one that I am not satisfied with subpar or mediocre performance from anyone or even, myself.

Anyway, I shall end this random rant. I am back on day shift and I am more suited on doing hardcore task at this schedule than the night shift where I am seriously becomes a procrastinating zombie. Though, I don’t hate night shift, I mean i am a nocturnal after all and it had been my lifestyle for almost 6 years to be awake at night (old job stuffs). So, I simply wish to find some more motivation to be productive than ever but also not killing myself. Oh, speaking of that, I actually started to be concern with my health lately, I avoid coffee until i could only have 2 cups a day from my usual 6 or 7 cups a day. I also started drinking tea, all thanks to March Comes in like a Lion, and since I’d got sick for several days in the start of the month, i’d been bedridden and it’s making me insane. Imagine seeing letters, signatures, vehicles flying randomly everytime I close my eyes, it really feels like a realistic nightmare where I can’t sleep despite of being sick af. So, this end here. If you reach until this part of this post, thank you for reading this short rant, you had survived. Anyway, have a great day guys and always be positive and empowered no matter what life throws at us. Cheers!

I Tweeted Him “I Like Him” and then it’s Gone

Oh hi, I’d been pretty weird or insane recently, possibly because of too much exhaustion at work. Believe me or not, I’ve been pretty ambiguous lately and I even wonder if December hates me big time but nonetheless, I’m so thankful with my works despite of so many backslash on my mental state and physical health.

However, I wasn’t here to rant about my work, I’ve been doing good I guess despite of that guy resigning few weeks ago. But definitely I’m not really that motivated or inspired but of course, I shouldn’t rely my mood on other people’s existence. That’s something that I should’ve learnt in my 26 years of existence, or so I thought.

Anyway, yesterday I’ve been on a rampage for so many confusing reasons and my co-worker/close friend dared me to do something peculiar and I said I’ll confess how I truly felt to Melvin despite of that rather ‘normal’ guy resigning already. So my close friend whom I shall refer with the name “Dyosa” dared me if I could tell Melvin about how I felt which seriously had been on my mind for all this time. I’ve even planned to tell him about this during his last day at work but I couldn’t find the timing or maybe, it’s just me being obnoxiously weird or shy once again. So Dyosa, eventually said that my confession may be rather normal as she thought that Melvin already knew about how I felt which I believed to be true somehow. ‘Saaary guys, I’m just quite flirty, seriously or possibly. So, I actually tweeted him that I like him all this time, then after few minutes I opened my Instagram and saw him posted a new picture which I really find adorable. Then, shockt, I checked the comment section and saw his girl gave a response and I was like, “Shit, I felt stupid tweeting him that I like him” and then I went to Twitter looking for that tweet in order to delete it. For some unknown reason, I couldn’t find it. I actually can’t find it, and so I calm down and just ignore it, if he’ll give a response I’ll accept whatever it is though I am expecting him to reply a “I know right”. Haha. 

Then, the next morning I saw my Twitter newsfeed and saw that he did gave a reply. At first, I thought it’s pretty funny, and just a very ordinary answer from him. Until I realized moments later that his reply is actually referring to a different conversation between the two of us. That’s the time that the a theory sink in to my head. What if I only type that confession and never actually posted it. Dang, I am both happy and sad for some unknown reason. But since I am an annoying bastard, I replied to him stated “Oh hey, I actually tweeted you a message but I couldn’t find it”. Something stupid just to caught his attention possibly. 

Anyway, I’m done with this rant and hope you guys wouldn’t find me creepy but seriously I am. Maybe, I have to finally accept the fact that I have a heavy dosage of oxymoron or so I thought. Yeah, that maybe the case. And so, good night guys though it’s actually 12:18 am already so I shall also say good morning. 

.hack//Sign Marathon – On anxiety, social separation, friendship, acceptance in otherworldly experience

Just when I thought that Sword Art Online (SAO) had been the forefathers of isekai (trapped in a different world) genre and then this classic anime franchise had proved me wrong big time. 

.hack//Sign

I had stumbled upon this anime “.hack//Sign” – an adventure-fantasy anime set in a world inside a game called “The World”. It is very similar with Sword Art Online, Log Horizon, Overlord, and similar isekai anime of today’s generation. The world setting is pretty peculiar and interesting though as it actually created a fantasy world separated from the real life. 

I wouldn’t really delve that much deeper into its story as it is actually kind of boring with not much action at all, but the plot is truly mesmerizing and enticing on which you’ll question your own sanity.

.hack//Sign

On a more personal note, I could somehow relate myself to the struggles of most of the characters from this anime. From Tsukasa’s anti-social behavior, Mimiru’s longing for friendship, BT’s insecurities, and Subaru’s powerlessness despite of her great ideals. This anime had bring forth those emotions and weaknesses which is natural to humans but we’re usually restraint. As an introvert, these struggles of .hack//Sign characters had been experienced by my effing self in the past and still striving to overcome these weaknesses until now. 

What I enjoy about .hack//Sign is that is offers a meditating aspects with its music and refreshing visuals. The simple flow of story with the dialogue of every characters while keeping a lot of things mystical and at the same time ambiguous. As someone who have a series of random anxiety attacks and struggling with insecurities, .hack//Sign had a healing effect on my end and somehow gave me a tiny glimpse to look at things differently with a silver ling in it. 

.hack//Sign

In the end, the 26-episodes of .hack//Sign is an entertaining and meditating experience despite of having a boring scenes by mundane standards. It’s a highly recommended anime show though for people who goes beyond action scenes, and cliche story. Plus, it’s soundtrack is seriously godlike, one of a kind and probably one of the anime with the best sets of music ever.