Ako’y nangungusap na sana ay dinggin ang mga tahimik na panaghoy ng aking damdamin.

And my emotions couldn’t be more describe any better than the following selected song lyrics from SILA by SUD.

Di ka man bago sa paningin
Palihim kang nasa yakap ko’t lambing
Sa bawat pagtago
Di mapigilan ang bigkas ng damdamin

 

Walang sagot sa tanong
Kung bakit ka mahalaga
Walang papantay sa’yo
Walang sagot sa tanong
Kung bakit ka mahalaga
Walang papantay sa’yo

 

Walang papantay sa’yo
Maging sino man sila
Ikaw ang araw sa tag-ulan
At sa maulap kong umaga

 

Soundtrack of the Day – Sila by SUD and that “WALANG SAGOT SA TANONG KUNG BAKIT KA MAHALAGA” phrase

So, as much as I had been depressed this past few weeks there’s one song that keeps on running on my mind for no specific reason. Maybe it’s just the beat, the melody or the melancholic feeling in the air. Nonetheless, I am falling in love with this Tagalog song titled SILA by SUD especially with its line, “WALANG SAGOT SA TANONG KUNG BAKIT KA MAHALAGA”. 

Specifically, it’s the phrase that really matters to me as it actually reflect on how vague and drowning my current emotional state is. I dunno but I felt like suffocating for so many unclear reasons when I am trying to look at things that connects me to you. At work, at my alone moments, and almost everything that I have spare time to think about you. 

WALANG SAGOT SA TANONG KUNG BAKIT KA MAHALAGA –

Maybe this simply refers to you Falcis boy, but for now I also want to believe that I should address this to myself as I wish I could be more selfish and invest some more effort and time on protecting myself, my emotions and insanity. Nonetheless, I’m quite thankful for a lot of things because I met you. 

I think I’d gotten any better, at the age of 26 i’m still not smarter that i used to several years ago. Nevertheless, I hope and supposed that this shall be that last time that I’ll fall for the wrong person and possibly the last time that I’ll let my emotion ruined a part of me mentally, emotionally, and psychologically. 

Quotes of the Day – Oct. 27, 2018 and I felt like fucking unappreciated

Image result for i feel unappreciated anime quote
Image result for i feel unappreciated anime quote
Image result for i feel unappreciated anime quote
Image result for i feel unappreciated anime quote

Just another random rant because I felt like fucking unappreciated in so many aspects. And my heart just can’t take it anymore at the moment. I had helped my only inspiration / infatuation at work to write his resignation letter knowing that I’ll be fucking lonely again and effing unmotivated. I also felt like an empty cup not wanting to socialize with anyone as they seriously won’t understand anything at all anyway. I’m so fucking tired of faking this smile and facade. I’m so exhausted of life but I need to keep on living for those tiny fragments of my dreams still giving me lights and I still have to support my family in any way I can.

1 Year 2 Months 20 Days and Hyouka

Hi readers of this obnoxious random blog of mine. Ever heard of the song “1 Year 2 Months 20 Days”? Guess like you are not familiar with it but it is kind of a heart breaking story hidden amongst its lyrics. 

The song is Japanese and titled as Ichinen Nikagetsu Hatsuka (1 Year 2 Months 20 Days) by BRIGHT. It’s been one of my favorite Japanese song since the first time I heard it over a year ago. And somehow, I dunno why I’ve been listening to this song for quite some time, I mean it’s been almost a week. Literally, the song itself doesn’t coincide with my story (love story to be precise as if I have any). But the fact that it is so heartbreaking is putting so much restrain on my heart as if it’ll explode. Nevertheless, it’s my song of the week this time around.

Why did I put Hyouka in the title of this post is actually related to the first AMV of the song that I’ve watched. I think the song’s ambiance perfectly matched the haunting mystery of emotional ride among the characters of Hyouka. By the way, Hyouka is currently standing as my 4th favorite anime of all time. Sorry guys, I’m such a sucker for Oreki Houtarou I’d rather want to marry him than exist in this world if I have the option (no joke, srsly). However, 1 Year 2 Months 20 Days story doesn’t match Hyouka in a way that the latter isn’t heartbreaking as the song. But hey, as a fan I am still broken hearted that Houtarou and Chitanda didn’t ended up confessing any feelings towards each other but I actually love how the anime concluded ambiguously. Therefore, viewers and fans could think about the future they want for the two characters. 

So why the hell did I write about this topic is uncertain. I’m just currently lose with so many stuffs. I’m quite exhausted and not motivated at work. My emotion had been on haywire for almost a year since there’s this “PA-FALL” guy who’s haunting me but I just couldn’t get myself to ignore or hate him no matter how much effort I put on. 

(Sighed) In the end, these three things just doesn’t summed up at all. But tonight I’m on night shift at work and here I am drowning myself with this 1 Year 2 Months 20 Days cliche. 

What about you guys, what keeps you up tonight?